Through the looking glass...

One of the great aspects of the MP's expenses scandal and the credit crunch (TM, Robert Peston productions) is that the focus of 'publik opinon' has been away from the Police, and for that matter - social services, the NHS, dentists, doctors and so on.

But thanks to our dear friends in Westminster - guess what - the House of Commons Home Affairs committee has decided there were 'not enough trained Police at the G20'.

Check the BBC, it's all here folks - as apparently 35,000 demonstrators, 10,000 police and er... 4 complaints to the IPCC has led to th wise and learned to conclude - 'never again must untrained officers be placed in the front line of public protests' - as apparently 2 days per year of MAS/PSU etc.. training is not enough to drill into the front line cop... what exactly? Not to shove people from behind (if that is what happened to the late Ian Tomlinson) - not to slap mouthy people in the face? Not to refuse to give the demented your collar number? (You can have mine now.... I'm not bothered).

According to Keith Vaz, MP, 'What's acceptable, what's within the police rule book - the use of distraction tactics, for example, slapping or hitting people - shocked the public, therefore, they need to look again at these tactics and consult the public to decide whether or not such tactics can be used again."

Now, I could be wrong, but if I ask some of our parishioners as to whether use of force may be justified, what type of responses would I get?

Pete Krusti-Pantz (envioronmental protestor) 'Cops hitting me interferes with my right to demonstrate with a balaclava and scaffolding poles against the forces of captalism...'

Robert Whinjin-Krayon (Daily Mail reader) 'The police are just nu-labour fascist bully boys concerned with political correctness, they shouldn't even be allowed out of the station, lets have the troops home and on the streets now...'

Dean Benefitt-Chavscumm (unemployed) 'The five-o shouldn't be allowed to touch me, it messes up my grafting and how else can I sell my gear and score some green - my brief will sort them...'

So there you have it - G20 apparently was an unmitigated disaster - an MP is seriously questioning as to how police can defend themselves and others... do I expect to see OST (Officer Safety Training) courses delivered by the IPCC, or our local MP?

Proably not.

C.

Coming soon !!!

Sorry folks, but the blog has been neglected due to things at home - mainly builders, and their major works, some personal 'issues' (how i hate that word...), and the all pervasive business that infects modern day life.

But I do promise some musings on:

retirement, (not mine - not for a long while...)

the joy of incident reports, (which will be better than it sounds)

the many delights of custody, (too numerous to list in full)

and self defence training (and that's just for starters).

Not dead, not sleeping - just a different kind of busy.

And I won't be going the way of Nightjack (God bless 'im)

C.

Another poster

Sums up my feelings about motivational posters. My thanks again to despair inc. .

Which ones are pinned up in your nick?

And who has 'made the best alteration'? (Because grafitti is criminal damage, and a crime, so therefore wrong.)

Report back.

C.

The Art of leading men (and women).

Since I have been in the police -there have been many changes, in fact the obsessive tinkering by Nu Labour meant that the rate of change increased rapidly after 1997, to the extent that 'change' itself is now seen as a four letter word.

'Shit, wank or toss' being the ones that fit most situations.

One of the changes brought in is an emphasis on 'leadership' (meaning management) and the role of being a 'leader' (meaning being a manager).

Go into any UK police force, and I would be surprised not to find posters, leaflets, online resources, training courses, and enormous volumes of hot air all about this 'leadership' thing.

This is something that has come in on the crest of the wave of introducing ideas and concepts from private industry (who else has 'customers','business partners','business cases' and so on) - I mean we are the public sector - monopoly suppliers of policing - there is no customer choice - I would argue that they are not customers as they have no choice and certainly aren't expected to pay... but that's a different rant.

With the posters, also came the motivational ones, spreading like the ravings of benign vandals across corridors and noticeboards and even the occasional office. I hate these with a passion. Below is an example - albeit a satirical one, but it gets the point across:

(For more - I suggest you get over to despair inc. )

Sadly, with the obsession over leadership/management, comes the jargon/bullshit that goes with it. Renaming the 'Senior Management Team' to the 'Senior Leadership Team' is an obvious one, but it does nothing apart from saving a small amount of ink. It's still the same bunch. With all their quirks, obsessions and habits. And if you have a Chief Officer who has been bitten by the 'Leadership bug', then expect it all to come from the top down.

So this is how come Sgt Custerd goes on a training course on 'Managing Change and Improvement'. Or, two days of twaddle. Harsh, but 'management' as a subject is based on the loose academic principles of some very soft and squishy social sciences - often contributed to in large parts by US academics or business people, working in US industry and firms. (And for what US business can teach the world -think Union Carbide, GM, Lehman Brothers & Bernard Madoff - but that was an easy swipe..) I prefer my academic subjects underpinned by solid scientific laws, or else weighty chunks of philosophy. For an example, think Hobbes' Leviathan as opposed to the outpourings of the Harvard Business School, which mainly relies on 20th century studies of organisations. Sun Tzu and Macchiaveli would probably haved burned the place down, Adam Smith would have had them all making pins.

'Change' is many things - but management training will tell you it is inevitable, a good thing, that organisations thrive on change an so on. Experience tells me that 'change' is inevitable, poorly thought out, often unnecessary, implemented for personal and self-promotional reasons, prone to being reversed. It is also politically motivated, sometimes follows changes in society, and the adage 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' works an awful lot of the time.

So when being told that the police are resistant to change - it's a fair comment - combine shiftwork, stressful situations, real actual crises, unusual working practices - and I defy anyone to greet a change in legislation, or procedure, or working practices with open arms and a happy smile. Try working in the grimier end of life for years and then resist being cynical and sceptical, world-weary and 'seen it all before'.

So at the end of a two day input from some very earnest management trainers, I had switched off a little. I found it intensely patronising, simplistic, and all to often geared to the world of commerce. Parallels were made with BT and the Prison Service - one being in private industry - the other part-privatised, so the examples didn't really hold. And it's not like I don't manage change - just getting on with it with minimal grumbling and making new systems work is all it's about. Normal working practices go out of the window with a murder, riot or other serious incident, so you can't accuse police officers of not being dynamic or adaptable.

So does knowing John Kotter's 8 point model for successful change help me in the slightest? - it's clearly an obsession for modern management - for example, Google gives nearly 36 million hits for 'managing change'. There are plenty of books or courses available to help executives 'create coalitions', 'communicate', 'express a vision', 'empower' and so on - in fact, I've noticed that the language of 'management' and the language of counselling often have a shared vocabulary (is this significant I wonder...?) - but in the long run - does it really help?

I may be wrong, I may be in a minority of one, but people who talk like professional managers, with 'vision' and a 'mission' come across as massive wankers. Not necessarily bad, evil or stupid - quite the reverse, but very often as misguided, naive, and deluded, and certainly anyone who wants to 'link in' with me, as opposed to come and 'speak to' me has already got my hackles up.

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Sgt C.

Thank God for MP's

You couldn't make it up.

Just when the number of anti-Police coverage in the media was getting too much.

Just when the fall-out from the G20 summit was making all cops look like out-of-control bullies.

Just when the Met seemed to have totally lost the plot.

Both sides of the venerable House have joined their noses in the trough !!!

Hooray !!!

Meanwhile, back in Grim-on-th't-Moor, Sgt Custerd is still head of the trivial crime squad.

What this means, is that our 'customer' rings one of our call centres. Their complaint is graded from 1 to 5.

1 is serious - blue lights and sirens.

2 is fairly serious - a stripy vehicle will be with you in an hour.

3 is reasonably pressing - a stripy vehicle will be with you during the same day.

4 is trivial. Or has been regraded through a lack of stripy vehicles. Or we've been creative with the truth, and decided that there is no evidence to lose - or it's been lost - or else our 'customer' is happy with an appointment (within 48 hours - remember the Pledge).

5 is when a Police 'officer' will call you back and take details by phone.

The grading determines how quickly - and whether you will be seen. A grade of 4 means that one of my team will deal with your complaint.

'Deal' in this sense means we make an appointment for our customer - who comes in to see us. In the case of a recordable crime - with a line of enquiry to a named suspect, then a statement and crime report is taken. Which in turn now gets fed into the sausage machine of 21st century policing.

A crime is allocated to an officer - who arrests the suspect - brings them to a police station, books them into custody, where:

someone else takes fingerprints, photos and DNA,

someone else interviews them,

someone else decides if there is sufficient evidence to charge or refer to the CPS,

(in which case, someone else makes the decision to charge),

someone else puts together the file for Court.

On paper - all very simple - in practice, like herding cats, juggling eels, and nailing jelly to the ceiling. In the dark. With your feet on fire.

Respec'

Sgt.C.

And an apology to any semi-regular readers & followers

Between work, DIY, homestuff and eBay... I'm afraid the Blog has been a little neglected... so much so I haven't been reading any others either.

But there'll be more.

Promise.

C.

Safer Streets for Safer Binge Drinkers !!!

Within the last few weeks, it was my dubious pleasure to assist the Grim-on-th't-Moor divisional priorities of reducing crime, bringing offenders to justice and generally doing the local licensees a favour. This is a rolling operation – let’s call it ‘Safer streets’ which means that money from the council and money from the Police authority is poured into the overtime pot to provide a lucky Sergeant and 5 PC’s to police the town centre with all it’s lovely pubs and clubs, of a Friday and Saturday night.

Needless to say, this is nowhere near enough bobbies to cope with the '24 hour cafe culture, civilized drinking blah.. blah.. blah..' , so this is supplemented by the response team working lates – who from 9.00 pm to 3.00 am assist, and also departments and units, such as mine – the non-response, slightly specialized office dwellers are dragged out, kicking and screaming once every two to three months to do a ‘Safer streets weekend’.

It is not terribly popular.

Bearing in mind one third of the officers doing this are bribed by overtime payments at time and a half – one third are taking a break from flying round in a panda car, and the remaining third are out past their bedtimes, none of the officers there are there by choice for the love of it.

Why is it so awful?

A number of factors – try combining lots of drunks – working unsocial hours – being stood out in the street for hours on end, in all weathers – and not able to take any respite in any of the warm and overcrowded drinking dens – occasional violence and abuse (directed towards us – not dished out – despite what we’ve all seen of the G20 footage) – but mainly boredom.

The boredom is the killer. There are hours of waiting for something to happen – otherwise it’s just watching hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people aged 15 up to…I don’t know… 65-ish? wandering from club to pub to kebab shop and eventually – God willing – to a taxi that they’ll actually pay for.

And each time we do it there is a ‘Groundhog day’ like quality to the whole proceedings. It feels the same – every single time. It starts with a briefing – a review of the previous weekend, then any notable events – such as local or televised football matches – then some notes about any of the local premises causing problems. Even this is predictable – anywhere with a fixed entry fee and then drink all you want deal usually means trouble, as does any of the bars or clubs struggling to fill the floor, so the ‘standards of entry’ are lowered. This means the ‘customers’ who would struggle to get in anywhere else are more than welcome to spend their hard earned cash – or dole money.

And then to the town. For a few hourss, which involves an awful lot of standing about. A bit of chatting to the doorstaff. And some chatting to the revelers. And some disbelief at what some are wearing. All I can say it’s a good thing we’re not the fashion police – as tickets would be doled out for failing to maintain beer-bellies, or display of an offensive 'muffin top' , or else wearing an outfit in circumstances likely to cause a breach of the peace. The dull thing is watching other people enjoy themselves, and not joining in. Given the choice, I’d slope off for a quiet pint. Most of us would. But we can’t and we don’t. So we wait.

And all this waiting is for the very end of the evening – when the last of the clubs close, and the vertical drinking barns throw their tired and emotional customers out into the street. By now it is about 4.00 am, and the happy, silly and annoying revellers hve long since gone. This leaves the angry, confused and argumentative ones. No-one is smiling anymore. We’ve been at work for 6-7 hours already – we’re tired and are longing for home and bed. But we don’t go anywhere until the hundreds of drunken, cross, slightly agitated people have gone home.

They’re cross because they’ve had an argument with their partner – or the group they went out with have become separated – they’ve lost their phone – or it’s been stolen – or they’ve drunk all their taxi money – or now outside they can settle the score with the lad or lady who punched them on the dancefloor in the club. And they’re all drunk. Almost without exception. Especially the ones who tell you they’re not – but we’re trained you see, we can tell, in fact we're all experts in diagnosing drunkenness – glazed eyes, face red and flushed – unsteady on feet and slurring words – ‘He was drunk your worships, drunk as a newt.’

And for anyone on the frontline of the public sector knows all too well, drunk people are, regardless of age, occupation, class or gender, sexuality or race, belief or nationality – drunk people are, ladies and gentlemen, utter arseholes.

Arseholes who don’t listen, won’t do as you ask – who talk absolute rubbish, often very steadily and precisely (Cos’ they’re not drunk, you see…) and they now have a connection with the fluorescent jacketed police who are there to perform an extended and slightly surreal playground duty, so they wander up and decide now of all times to have a conversation. This last hour or so is the bit we’ve all waited for – this is where the fights break out, the injured stagger up to us, the punch drunk decide to swear and swagger, and sometimes even try to initiate a fight with the police. This is the crazy hour of blue lights, ambulances, shouting, sounds of breaking glass and where the video footage of ‘Booze Britain’ is sourced.

So the next time you’re thinking of the police, seeking to establish the police state, inerfering with politicians or , crushing democratic protest and generally being brutal , just spare a though for Sgt Custerd and his colleagues, dealing with his reality, a long way from London, and a long way from the passing media frenzy, because this is what the police actually do, day in, day out.

Mind how you go, sir.

Sgt C.